Introducing the .cat Switch Review
Lately it seems slapping a small, adorable, adoptable animal on your game’s cover art attracts attention from a wide variety of eyes. Whether the game ends up being a masterpiece or a barbed-wire wrapped turd, put a dog, ferret, fish, or a cat on there and people are guaranteed to play it. That is the hole this reviewer fell into when idly scrolling Nintendo’s E-shop recently and discovering that not all games with cats stapled to their cover end up being even remotely worth the sale price. Follow along for our .cat review.
Be You A Cute Cat
.cat, or Period Cat, can’t be sure which one, begins with a cat in a room. Then a dark smiling figure appears. It floats for a second before descending into a box. The cat, our ‘hero’ for this adventure, then jumps into the box after the figure, teleporting the player to the world’s longest loading screen. Where you end up is anyone’s guess. It could be an abstract breakdown of a cat’s interpretation of the world around them, or it could be a set of randomly assembled crowdsourced pixel art tile sets and platform images with a mailbox acting as a checkpoint for some reason. If this makes no sense to you, as this seems like a rather random thing to happen, don’t worry, none of it will make sense!
I’m Adorable…Now What?
.cat is more of an early 2000s flash game with two controls, several varieties of differently sped enemies that are only killed by landing on them, and a checkpoint mailbox that appears after a random amount of time has passed. Sometimes you collect gems and sometimes you enter portals to different areas, but there really is no sense of progression. You are just as confused as you were when you began and you never learn anything. This whole game just seems like a random semblance of game-like objects that are being sold for an absolutely egregious starting price, but are now on sale for 80% off. It’s a rather bafflingly strange thing that will never answer your questions and only serves to distract you with its adorable Cat player character.
.cat is the wrong use of your money, your time, your patience, or your memory. Simply one of the most pointless games you could ever waste any brain-space on. It has less reason to exist than you do for finding reasons as to WHY it exists. The best part of this game is the icon and the screenshots that feature the adorable cat character. You will get so much more out of this game by looking at those for free than you will spending any amount of money on this nothing game.
- You play as a cat
- Confusing level design
- Portals seem to bring you to random areas
- Random checkpoint markers that can spawn you in areas where you die immediately after respawning
- No Story
- No sense of progression or direction